Last night, I had one of those bottom moments. One of those times when one is forced to reexamine where one is in life because it does not seem like a good place. I thought about all the things I am working on and felt that they were not going well (except for Rocky, in which I am quite pleased in spite of short term issues). I thought about it. I talked to Jason a bit, then I talked to Erin a bit more. Through much talking, much thinking, and a bit of crying, I came to a realization. I had let go of my bubble. I made a post similar to this one on back on April 20th. (Sometimes I need to tell myself something a few times for it to sink in, so don't take it personally if things you say take a while to sink in.)
By bubble, I mean by bubble of positivity. I function by examining all the pros and cons before starting. Once I start, I commit. I am like a martial artist smashing a board. No thought of failure, because that will surely lead to failure. Somehow, I had lost that. In April I noticed it, but failed to get it back and hold onto it. Possibly because I did not go deep enough into my own feelings and focused too much on what others were saying to me.
Allow me to illustrate what I mean when I talk about the difference between a positive and negative mindset.
Pi-Con for example. With the negative mindset, I think of it as the con that hopefully won't lose too much money. With the positive mindset, I think of it as a monumentous event for the Pioneer Valley. It will bring fantastic guests including last year's and next year's Arisia GOH, Jacquelline Carey (whose name I still have trouble spelling), Voltaire, and dozens of other great panelists. It will have dozens of games running, awesome dealers, and even a DDR tournament.
Phoenix Games with the negative is a withering shell of a community, abandoned and lost. With the positive mindset, it is a strong and vibrant community center full of members who are eager to help out, if only I would provide them with some direction and leadership (a feat which is impossible if I am full of gloom and doom myself).
The list goes on. Yes, sometimes even when positive I get down. Things seem to be failing around me, but a few down moments are better than a constant dull ache.
So, what am I going to do with this new positivity. I'm going to go to bed, but that's because I have to be up at 8:00 for Rocky rehearsal. In the slightly longer term, I will:
-Update the Pi-Con website to share with the world all the awesome stuff we will have there.
-Rock the Pi-Con staff as we head into the home stretch before the con.
-Reenergize the Phoenix Collective.
-Work to promote the Store through schools and UMass events.
...and much more!